“Arrrrggghaaa arrrrghaaaa! Cries Tarzan, and all the beasties come a running. The ground shakes to a thousand pairs of thundering hooves. Tarzan stands stock still in a large clearing, wet-look soft rock hair glistening in the sunlight, loincloth tight, nonchalantly cleaning his nails as the beasts bear down on him… Oooof! The beasties just steamrollered over him and come to a screeching halt at the feet of… Charlie Beale! As I live and breathe! “Awright Geezers?” says Charlie, “Welcome to Freemixed Nuts Volume 4” and the elephants trumpet euphorically.
The camera pans around to Leo who’s wearing a banana fancy dress outfit, grinning from ear to ear in the arms of a lovestruck silverback. Waggles and The Fritz are in matching pink tights and tu-tu’s, instructing a chorus line of flamingos the flamenco. Dephicit has covered his chin with lemon curd (again) and is now sporting an incredibly hipster beard made entirely of ants and wasps. X-Ray Ted is playing with the monkeys…oooh, they really shouldn’t be flinging that stuff around, it’ll get in someone’s eye! Get a room! Mr Stabalina is teaching the cutie meerkats to swear, he’s going to hell for that! Bear Twists is..oh my god, he’s TWISTING BEARS! Oh wait, he’s just giving Baloo a Chinese burn. General News turns to the camera, waves a glitter cannon filled with hallucinogenic frogs and says in his best Tony Montana voice, “Say hello to my little friends” and fires his psychoactive ammo. Bam! …hey, why are my hands so big? Why has everything gone purple? Woah, can you see elephants?
Freemixed Nuts volume 4, welcome to the jungle!” - Fat harry.