“Laaaadies and Ladylovers! Rock n roll all the drums and unleash all the porn-icorns! The stay-puft Marshmallow Man of Love, Mr Stabalina is finally releasing his debut EP. We’ve been waiting for months to unleash this sexy beast upon your badass-est of ears, and your funkiest of anuses. Can you pluralise an anus? Mr Stabalina can! He can do anything. He invented asses, at least, the very great shaking of them. He can probably walk on frozen water and could almost nearly definitely feed five with loaves and fishes!
We know you’ll love him, he is one of the nicest bumbling heroes of our time, Such production skills in one so young, he’s like a non green Yoda. Last summer we carefully introduced him to all his heroes at Shindig Weekender, only for him to accidentally fail at meeting any of them! Missing a backstage chat with JFB being a prime example, just because he spent 3 minutes scouring the ground with a grim determination for his lost fag. Heartbreakingly cute.
Right. Take a deep breath. Relax, undo a button, pour a glass of wine (or chocolate milk). Without further ado, it is quite simply Mr Stabalina's time to shine, and we gaurnatee everything in your life from this point forward will be somewhat brighter for it.”